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January 29th, 2007

(no subject)

SO I figured I'd resurrect this thing, one time only (maybe not) to just say a few words to my adoring public. I'd say "and all my stalkers", but honestly, I'm putting myself out there so what do I expect?

Life has been great lately, with a few roadblocks to me truly being totally happy. Life is never perfect though, so I'm content with what've got for now, always working for a better tomorrow (isn't that all life is? I don't allow myself to feel self-pity anymore because I know I'm better than that, and that there are those much worse off than I am in the world. Why should I feel bad when I've got it so good?

College is going well. It could be better, but like I said, life is never perfect. SFR needs alot of improvement, but such is life.

So why'd I get rid of this thing? Its just not who I am anymore, if it makes sense that an online journal can be who I am...I'm just not the same girl that started this journal, and even now, I'm barely the girl that finished it. The way I look at the world is totally different, and how I deal with people is too. I've grown up. I've become, what I would say is, better, and I have a deeper understanding of who I am and what I want.

If I could pick any point in my life to live in...I'd live in the here and now. And I'm not sure I'd ever say that before. and thats pretty cool.

yeah...I wrote this a while ago and thanks to the wonder that is Livejournal, it was saved. It still rings pretty much true. I miss mike a bit and kinda wish he was back, but with best friends like him and matt my life is pretty full, no matter how often I get to see them (and luckily, with at least one of them) its quite often. Lets hope this trend of good life continues. Knock on wood and all that jazz.

September 3rd, 2005

(no subject)

here are the rules kiddoes.
-if I have no clue who you are, give me an idea of it, and how you found my livejournal
-if you're obnoxious or you type obnoxiously I may cut you from my friends list
-if I see someone that is known to dislike me on your friends list, we may need to talk before I add you.

August 31st, 2005


Sorry about that last entry for anyone that read it. I made it private because it made me come off even crazier than I usually do. oh well. if you'd like to read it, I'll be willing to make it custom if you promise to not institutionalize me.

James is kinda ignoring me online. Hes on...but not idle, and hasn't replied to a thing I've said all night. (or was saying...my away message is up now). I hope everything is okay with him, and us. I'm trying to not get too nerved up about it, but it does bug me a little that hes not talking back...I just wanna make sure everything is okay with him...but maybe I'm going a bit overboard (I do tend to do that) and need to give him some more space. I just hope he calls or something soon. It'd be really nice to hear his voice. I hope he comes home this weekend

People really frustrate me sometimes. it especially bothers me when people try to ..I dunno. I really don't watnt to go into this right now...I don't have the energy. btw this has nothing to do with james. It probably seems as if it would because its right beneath what i just said about him...but its really about two completely different people.

Dad and I were discussing giveing money to the hurricane victims today. We're not sure how much we could give though. they say its better to give money than it is to give clothes and stuff because of the trouble it takes to pack stuff. I'll most likely be volunteering somewhere soon to help out with any packing that there is to be done...although my mom did mention tonight going down there or something and helping out. I really hope she lets me do that but I'm doubting really that she will.

Theres really nothing else of great importance that I have to report tonigh...I'm hopefully going to see the forty year old virgin with joe tomorrow, and friday I"m trying to get all the boston people together one last time. I still need to call some poeple about that. I'm torn between going to the ducky boys or piebald in worcester on the 10th and I'm hopiong that I might have read the venues wrong and they're doing their shows together. I may not though because I have a baby shower to go to on the 11th and I may put my money to better use elsewhere, like giving some to the hurricane victims (I'm pretty much broke, but I figure every cent counts. ) Maybe (if he wants to see me) I'll just go see james instead with my new combo bus pass ...I hafta figure out what zone of the commuter rail worcester is in first.
Looks like this semester is going to be a tough one for me. Apparently Film and Society is pretty hard, My english Prof has a hard to understand accent, my econ prof is just hard to understand, despite enthusiasm about the subject, and my soc prof is senile...good times.

where would I be without ratemyprofessor.com?

supposedly the film dude is very "howardian" (new word yay!), so I'm kinda looking forward to that. Hes not EXTREMELY howardian though...just sorta teaches like him. I bet he doesn't even have a southern accent, and isn't black, and doesn't have hot catch phrases like the original. but whatever.

I'm going to be dedicated this semester. I figure I hafta be. its the only way I'll get by. I want deans list again and with God as my witness I WILL get it.

I submitted my application (as well as my newly tweaked resume) for the student ambassador position today. If I don't get the job my brain may explode. Either that or I'll continue on my quest for a job. I need enough for a few months rent so I can at least consider moving out for my parents sake.

I love how "Rapture" is everyones new favorite word. Good job matt groening.

I can't even watch the news right now. I get like that when disasters of any sort strike. I feel even worse because as of this moment, I haven't done anything to help alleviate the situation...I know I can't do much anyway, but I'd like to do what I can. I may give blood/donate some things (and if I can money) to the red cross to help out. I'm not really sure what more I can do. I'll try to find out this week though. Maybe when I get back to school I can check things out with S.O.U.L.S. James hasn't said anything so I assume everything is okay with his family and everyone down there, and I really hope my assumptions right.

I can't believe this is my last week of the summer. It went by pretty quickly, but it was pretty awesome. You know, this is the first time I've had a boyfriend throughout the summer. it was really great. I had a pretty romantic summer...I've never really dated a guy and been able to call what we had "romantic" before. I mean everything wasn't romantic...but there were plenty of "out-of-a-fairy tale/romantic comedy" moments that james and I had I think at least. that means alot to me.

I dunno what I'd do if mary and I hadn't gotten close. we had a great conversation online tonight that just made me laugh my ass off after I ahd cried for a bit over some dumb stuff. shes awesome. I wish I had the convo saved, but the computer died on me.

OH AND BEFORE I FORGET!!! James is just about certainly off big brother. its so sad because hes held on for so long. If he wants to keep himself on he should campaign that with janelles luck, they need all the people they can get to get her off next week, and he can add to their numbers by promising to put her up against sayyyyyy beau (black gay guy who no one in the house will go after) should he win head of household. April is just a bitch. If it were up to her, Ivette would be up there right next to james. but whatever.

I added the blue power ranger (the guy who played him) on myspace. I hope he adds me back! I also sent francis kane a message on it because I liked his comics lol...I'm a loser

August 30th, 2005

Its unbelievably comforting and relaxing to lie on a hardwood floor..straight back against the ground, staring up at the ceiling. I love it. Its like pretending you're dead. I used to love to play dead as a kid. I'd fall over off the couch and then rise up with my arms out straight in front of me, like a zombie. it was great. none of the other kids ever wanted to play though. :(

come to think of it...no one ever wanted to play what I did. I was six and my neice and nephew became too old for house so I was stuck being mother, father and child. thats rough. I think thats where my personality disorder came from...

okay, that wasn't funny, and I'm not entirely sure those were the rules to playing dead...I just remember playing. still...lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling is one of the most comforting things to do in the world. It just allows me to forget everyting and get lost in the cracks in the ceiling. its great.

I've been letting my hair do the whole "mad scientist" thing lately. Its...actually pretty uncomfortable and annoying, but the alternative is actually trying and I'm not sure if I have the energy or the stamina to do my hair. I'm thinking of just getting it cut again, because the longer it is the more I have to deal with.

I had a dream not too long ago that I was in the big brother house. My nickname was "Lovey" (I have no clue where they got it from.) and EVERYONE was trying to keep me in the house at all cost, and I was screwing them all over royally. it was great. true big brother fashion.

I really like that H.G. Wells was so enamored with reminding men that they are indeed mortal and that just because humanity has rocked the house up until this point doesn't mean they're going to continue to. I knew from the second Wisohbone had "The Time Machine" on that the author of that book was my hero...and I was correct (BETTER ADD THAT TO MY MYSPACE!!!). I need to read some more of his stuff. So far War Of the Worlds far exceeds the 2005 movie version, and I've only read like 2 pages. From the sounds of it though (from what I've read about H.G. Wells, and of his works) this guy is basically the father of modern science fiction, and some of his more subtle ideas on humanity and where we're headed (besides the doomsday prophecies I suppose lol) definately influenced star trek.

I was going to go to foxboro to audition for american idol today. I didn't because I needed to start reading my school books and working on the house a bit. I was going to make it into a political statement by singing springtime for hitler. everyone knows how much me and mike hate them jews.

baby sean is staying over tonight! I can't wait...even though hes not matthew...and he cries alot more...and he spits up alot....

oh joy..
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